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by on January 15, 2011

I’m so stupid for trying to reason with someone taking powerful pain killers.  You can’t tell anything is wrong by looking at them-Maybe by the crazy look in their eyes.  It’s definitely my fault.  I’m obviously too used to our past conversations to let something like hardcore narcotics get in the way.  I should never have gotten suckered in by trying to answer an obviously delirious question, “Where’s my cell phone?”  Simple question?  Don’t be fooled.  It’s a slippery slope.  Heed my warning:  I should have just let it go and walked away.

In recollection, it really doesn’t matter how it started.  What’s important now is that I want to put a bullet in own head.  Maybe that’s too messy.  Maybe I’ll jump out the window.  Not high enough.  Poison sounds good since I got lot’s of good stuff lying around here.  Too slow.  Crap.  I’m just going to sit here and complain and maybe, just maybe, I’ll hold it together for another night.  If I’m lucky, there are few of you out there that can commiserate because of past dealings with a delusional elderly relative or Alzheimer’s patient.  I know I have a new appreciation for anyone so sadistic to do this on a regular basis.

“Where’s my cell phone?”  The record so far is her asking four times…in six minutes.  I explain how the inflated catheter balloon in your bladder makes you feel like peeing about 50 times until I figured out that it’s easier to just unhook the pee bag and show it to her.  How many times can I explain the importance of a regular poo schedule while on major medication?  About 20 times with the prerequisite dry erase board sketches and another 20 times with just body language and hand gesturing.  It goes on and on and on.

The deafness is so much harder to deal with than the dementia.  Half the time she can’t read my chicken scratch writing or my understand sentence structure.  Simple is definitely better.

So does my frustrated rant sound excessive?  I sure hope not because it’s my everyday.  There are some days that I just don’t know if I can hold it together.

From → Daily Life

One Comment
  1. julie permalink

    hey remember, we’re always up. call us ANY TIME. we’re here for you. i totally respect your strength Sean. God is with you always. Praying always makes me calm down and helps me focus. We wish you a restful night. Good night.

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