Today is my last day with what I used to call “my primary form of stress relief”. The lease on my 2008 BMW M5 is up.
On the most part I’m sorry to see it go. Over these past many months, I hadn’t had a lot of opportunity to use it. I’m turning it in with less than 23k miles and had paid for 30k miles. Some of you may find that sacrilegious. Believe me-I do too.
Admittedly I did feel disingenuous driving it. We’re as broke as ever and here I am driving an expensive car. I did try to return it last May but the cost would have been the same.
I will miss the 507 hp V-10 engine, 8200 rpm redline, 7 speeds, and 4.5 seconds 0-to-60. As a close friend observed, “the brake discs are bigger than my wheels on my car…” Funny but cool in an egotistical sort of way.
I definitely won’t miss the big-dollar lease payments, 12 mpg and that damned iDrive system.
I’m turning it in at 10:00am tomorrow morning.
It’s been fun.
I have come up with some symbolism that reflects my personal/professional dilemma. Please humor the visual:
I am walking down the path of life and I notice that there is a crack running down its middle.
On the right side of the crack is my personal life: Caring for Satomi and the girls, dealing with the cancer and the morbid possibilities.
On the left side of the crack is my professional life: Running my business, working, and making money.
The width of the crack varies from undetectable to an absolute chasm; Its size is a function of the challenges we face and stress I feel.
For example, forgetting to take out the garbage is an aesthetic surface crack-shallow and thin. While a new brain tumor is the Grand Canyon-deep and dark. This kind of crack is filled with despair, instability, depression, and anger.
Before the cancer, I would walk the path and barely even notice the crack. Like any responsible adult, I would constantly straddling it, having one foot on the personal side and the other foot on the professional side.
As my walk continued and the crack widened, I stumbled. On several occassions, I fell quite convincingly.
Somewhere along this path, I realized that the crack was too big and I couldn’t straddle it any longer. I had to make a choice and pick a side. Right or left? Family or Work? Maybe that way I could regain my balance and have the stamina to keep walking.
You all know what happens next. At the time, care-giver was the right choice. Months and many challenges have come to pass. Now it is more important that I return to my role as breadwinner.
How do I traverse the crack without falling into the darkness?
We got good news today.
Ms. Thompson called and Satomi’s federal Disability Claim was approved and in record time.
Think about it for a minute: I submitted the initial application on March 18th (or something like that) but I didn’t finish the online Medical History report until April 2nd. We submitted hard copies of her records on April 13th. All-in-all, my work took almost 4 weeks to complete.
The SSA review and approval process began on April 2nd and was completed by April 21st. Their part took less than 3 weeks! I took longer to compose the information than it took them to approve it. This is nothing like the nightmare the State Unemployment Office described. Nice!
I guess this one of the few times that my psycho anal-retentive detailing was an asset. I’m really glad that I spent all of those hours on it. One less thing to worry about.
The stone in her left kidney is gone. We visited the Urologist office and the X-ray showed no left-side stone whatsoever.
The stent removal took several minutes to prep for: dressing in the surgical gown, climbing up on the exam table, etc. It only took a few seconds to remove. Satomi had to seriously pee afterward and was also a bit crampy. Overall, it felt better without it than with it.
The only thing remaining is the stone in her right side. Since Satomi received “only” 1000 of the 3000 maximum pulses, she can get the right side Lithotripsy much sooner than the typical 4 to 6 week “healing time”.
The doctor’s office is trying to fit her in earlier. They have an opening on May 10th but I keep pushing them to expedite it. I want there to be some time to recover before she is too far into her Chemo regimen or possible side-effects from radiation occur. The idea of Satomi being in pain, “blocked” (by a stent), nauseas and dizzy is just not acceptable. Nausea and dizziness are bad enough alone.
We should hear soon.
So what happens now?
Satomi completed her single radiation treatment unscathed and besides feeling “blocked” is recovering from her Lithotripsy quite well. She’s feeling quite good.
It’ll take many weeks or even months for radiation side effects to become noticable. Why waste time?
There is no reason not to continue her treatment as we had originally planned: lot’s of physical therapy and activity. The oral chemo is the only slight deviation.
It is possible that the side effects may never come so we won’t worry about the corticosteroids for now.
Satomi's Cancer Blog 