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by on April 26, 2010

I have come up with some symbolism that reflects my personal/professional dilemma.  Please humor the visual: 

I am walking down the path of life and I notice that there is a crack running down its middle.

On the right side of the crack is my personal life:  Caring for Satomi and the girls, dealing with the cancer and the morbid possibilities. 

On the left side of the crack is my professional life:  Running my business, working, and making money. 

The width of the crack varies from undetectable to an absolute chasm; Its size is a function of the challenges we face and stress I feel. 

For example, forgetting to take out the garbage is an aesthetic surface crack-shallow and thin.  While a new brain tumor is the Grand Canyon-deep and dark.  This kind of crack is filled with despair, instability, depression, and anger.

Before the cancer, I would walk the path and barely even notice the crack.  Like any responsible adult, I would constantly straddling it, having one foot on the personal side and the other foot on the professional side.

As my walk continued and the crack widened, I stumbled.  On several occassions, I fell quite convincingly.

Somewhere along this path, I realized that the crack was too big and I couldn’t straddle it any longer.  I had to make a choice and pick a side.  Right or left?  Family or Work?  Maybe that way I could regain my balance and have the stamina to keep walking.

You all know what happens next.  At the time, care-giver was the right choice.  Months and many challenges have come to pass.  Now it is more important that I return to my role as breadwinner. 

How do I traverse the crack without falling into the darkness?

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