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After Her Service

I’ve received messages from several close family and friends that cannot attend Satomi’s service on Saturday.  It is expected when dealing with so many people and their tight schedules.  Undoubtedly people will be out-of-town or have important plans that cannot be changed.  We completely understand.

I’ll post the program materials here after her service.

Near the End

We’re nearing the end of our journey together.  Besides those from the upcoming Service on the 26th, there won’t be many more posts to this blog.  I intend to cease all new posts by March 31st, 2011.

The news of Satomi’s passing has triggered a wave of new interest so I do intend to keep the site up for an indefinite period.  Satomi would want me to share our experience with as many people as possible.

529 College Savings Plan

As requested, I opened 529 College Savings Plan accounts in Kandice’s and Jillian’s names at Fidelity Investments [].

Contributions can be made by mailing in a completed deposit form [For an interactive pdf, click:  529 Deposit Form] and a check.

Please fill in the form as follows:

  • “Name” is my name “Sean Okamoto”.
  • “Daytime Telephone Number” is my telephone number “714-749-7480”.
  • “Fidelity Account Number” for each child is noted below.

Kandice Mina Okamoto
Account #618295841

Jillian Mika Okamoto
Account #618295884

  • “For Brokerage Accounts” and “For Mutual Accounts” sections are to be left blank.
  • Make the check out to “Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC”.
  • Write the account number on the Memo Line of the check.
  • Mail it in to the PO Box in Cincinnati, OH noted on the form.
  • Each child has a separate account so separate forms and checks are necessary.

Or, you can simply give a check to the Receptionist at the Service. Please put them in a card or envelope with your contact information.  I’ll fill-in the form and mail all of them in at once.

Kandice, Jillian, Satomi and I thank you very much.

Not Today

So yesterday sucked but today will be better-I’m determined.  I slept well and I had my morning coffee.

So what’s first?  Let’s do something a bit more light-hearted.  Do I fit in my black suit?  That’s light-hearted, right?

I’ve been on a “not-black” suit kick these past few years so I am very doubtful.

Dig.  Pull.  Dig.  Pull.  Dig.  Pull.  Ok, there’s three that may have a chance.

Oops.  The first one is a blazer.  Why did I put a pair of pants in there with it?  It doesn’t match.  I’m a dork.  Next.

Second one is a suit.  It’s my snooty CK suit from years ago.  Still looks nice.  Jacket fits.  Here goes the pants.  HA!  Not a snowball’s chance in hell.  Next.

Third and final one.  3-Day suit broker.  I bought this one for another funeral only a few years ago.  I was fat then too so there’s a chance.  Jacket-no problem.  Pants…holding my breath.  IT FITS!  Woo-hoo!  That’s friggin great!  A few arm-pumps later I disrobe and plan to get it cleaned.  I roll up the jacket and put it in the laundry bag.  Next come the pants.  What the hell?!  No!

This is a picture of a hole in my right butt cheek.  Right where the corner of my wallet goes.  Not surprising since I’m a wallet pack-rat.  You know-someone who never takes out all the receipts and gift cards.  The wallet can be easily an inch thick on a bad day.  Another reason I like baggy jeans.

Anyway, my hoarding tendencies aside, what the hell am I going to do?  I got five days.  I know.  It’s time for a new suit baby!  I got a stack of Macy’s gift cards (all still in my wallet by the way) so I’m good to go.

Hopefully they can alter the sucker in time.  If I’m in a mismatched blazer or refuse to stand up, you know the answer.

Bad Day

I’m having a really bad day.  It’s so fitting that it’s raining outside.

I’ve suppressed my emotions all week to focus on the service.  The plans are going well but the truth is that I’ve been procrastinating.  The big stuff haunted me:  photo’s, eulogy, and cleaning her room.

The day started off bad.  Last night was the first night that I had no worries.  The girls stayed over at their cousin’s house and I didn’t have to worry about medication, seizures, or poo.  It was a quiet night and I planned to enjoy some sleep.  I woke up crying my eyes out.  You see, I dreamed of Satomi and it’s been a long time since I had done that.

It was so vivid.  Satomi was sitting at a table talking to someone and I watched from a distance.  She looked so vibrant and young.  She had long hair. I remembered all the feelings that many married couple tend to forget over time and after kids.  She was beautiful and I felt so lucky to have her.  And then I remembered our reality and got scared.  I called out “Satomi what are you doing here?”  She stopped talking and looked at me and smiled.  I walked toward her and started crying and then woke up.  It was terrible.  The room was dark and I was so alone.

I sat thinking about all the things that I had forbid myself from thinking:  Why her?  Why not me?  What had we done to deserve this?

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know that Satomi and I don’t do that.  We keep it together and move forward.  Well, not tonight-it was about mourning the loss of my wife and the mother of our two wonderful children.

I fell back asleep and awoke late.  I was better so I opened up her family albums and started looking.  In a manila envelope, I found this picture.  I remember taking it but don’t remember ever seeing it.  The picture was taken at her 15-year high school reunion.  It was before our officially dating but I thought she looked so beautiful that I had to post it.

I worked on the photos for a few hours before I just couldn’t anymore.  I moved on to her room.

I organized and packed all the medical things and washed left over linens.  There’s a lot of them so it took a while.  I took down all the dry-erase boards from the wall that had my lists of medicines and schedules and such.  I got to the wall trays that held her medical information and another that held get well cards.  I reached in the bottom and found this little note.

I started crying again but this time I thought of my girls.  They lost their Mommy and I can’t take that pain away.  It just breaks my heart.

I promised myself that I’d hold it together so I could speak at the service.  There are some things that Satomi would want me to say to all of you.  At this moment, I am not strong enough to do it.  I’m just so sad for my girls, for me, and for all of her loved one’s.  I’m going to miss her so much.