An Emotional Plea

In my “Defense Mechanism” post from last week, I mentioned Satomi asking me to stay home but I didn’t describe how she said it.  It’s been nearly a week and it has stuck with me.  I wanted to share it with you.

Me:  “I’m going to work now.”

Satomi looks at me and whispers, “Come…closer…come…closer”

I move closer and answer, “what’s wrong honey?”

Satomi:  “I need to tell you something.”

I hold her hand and get only a few inches from her face, “what’s wrong honey?”

She gazes into my eyes and her expression changes.  For a split second before she speaks, I can so many emotions-vulnerability, sadness, fear.  With a wavering voice, she says “…I can’t do this for three weeks…Don’t go to work…”

I stare into her eyes and I am emotional.  I struggle to decipher my feelings-shock, fear, intimacy, confusion.  The emotion that bubbles up first is confusion, “…where did three-weeks come from?”  I checked our calendar so I know that date has no unusual significance for us.  Is she saying that she only has three-weeks to live?  Oh no… 

In all of our years together, Satomi has never been so vulnerable-never.  Her vulnerability surprised me but it also triggered a new level of closeness.  I would do anything for her and if the roles were reversed, I know she’d do anything for me.

She didn’t understand my initial response but I’ve been home everyday since.  I remain convinced that this is where I need to be.