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Motivation

by on February 20, 2011

There are things that I am absolutely terrible at.  If I were to make a list-and it would be a long list-bedside manner would be at the top. 

There are days that I feel like I am impatient, rough, and cold.  I know that I am not the calm and comforting husband.  I know that I could do so much more.  I am the caregiver that executes the treatment plan sometimes at the expense of compassion.

I could talk at length about my reasons for my methods-my metamorphisis, if you will-but in the end it’s all just crap.  The bottom line is that I’m doing this because I love my wife, it is necessary, and it is my responsibility. 

I’m not strong enough to do it well.  I must shutdown my emotions to do these things.  Anyone that has spent any time here with us can attest to that.

But now I have a new motivation.

The other day I wrote “A Happy Memory” and it included a picture of our wedding day. 

It provoked emotions that I’d packed away for a long time.  Now when I see her lying there, my attitude is different.  I not only think about the plan but what I can do to ease getting there.  I know that I am doing whatever I can to care for her. 

It took a while but I think I’ve finally found my motivation to be a better husband.

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3 Comments
  1. cindy permalink

    Sean..you have been and still are a wonderful husband!!!!! you are doing so much!!! Being a husband, caretaker, father and friend!

  2. Ken permalink

    Sean – All the husbands and dads that I’ve spoken to are just in awe with how you are handling Satomi the best you can. We are not only offering up our support to Satomi but to you as well. It’s hard to offer that level of care all the time when it’s not your chosen profession and you have not been trained or experienced in so personal a manner. I think you’re doing a GREAT job!

  3. Melissa permalink

    Sean, You are an amazing, loving, strong, husband and father! All of us that love you and Satomi are inspired by the care that you give her hour by hour! I’m so glad you found that picture and have renewed motivation, but never for a second should you be so hard on yourself! You are incredible! As your other loved ones have said, we are praying for you too! None of us can imagine being in your shoes. You’re an inspiration! God be with you, my friend! Much love to you all!

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