Eulogy from a Best Friend

Dear Satomi,

I miss you so much.  I’m sitting here trying to compose this letter but it hurts me.  I’m sitting here crying and thinking how could I possibly put what I’m feeling into words?  My heart is aching and when I cry, I feel like it’s coming from so deep inside that I’m turning inside out and I can’t breathe, but Satom, please don’t feel bad for me.  I know that you are because that’s just the kind of person you are, always thinking and taking care of everyone else.  I’m going to be alright but not ever 100% because you’re not here in my life.  I’m comforted that you’re at peace and have no pain, but that doesn’t make the pain I feel, being here on earth without you, any less.

I’m thinking about all of the wonderful times we spent together and how I wanted to have so many more.  Do you remember our joke?  I’d say, “Quit following me!” and you’d laugh!  You came to work at Yonemoto Physical Therapy after me, then you followed me to Cal State, Long Beach for Physical Therapy School and then to work at Tustin Rehab Hospital.  I’d give anything to have you following me through life once again.

You were such a thoughtful friend.  I will miss the cards you always made a point of sending me on Mother’s Day.  I will miss sharing our experiences with marriage and motherhood.  I will miss our spur of the moment calls to just see how the other was doing.  I will miss seeing you at my parents’ house on Christmas to share a birthday cake.  Of course, I will cherish memories of you standing by my side on my wedding day and standing by your side on yours and trips together, but especially our special moments these last few months.  You were so brave and I am so amazed at how you faced everything!  You lived each day until the very end.  You never gave up or withdrew from life.  After you lost your hearing, I was worried that you’d withdraw from all of us but I underestimated you.  You just continued on seeing the positive in it all.  You let your fingers do the talking and we’d text back and forth about the happenings in our lives.  You’d joke that since you couldn’t hear, you didn’t have to deal with arguments between Kandice and Jillian.  I was worried that after each seizure, you would just curl up and give in but you didn’t!  Instead, you, Brenda and I went on that crazy outing to the park to eat those HUGE burritos (with NO BEANS of course)!!  You were so excited that day to get out of the house.  You should’ve seen all the plans Brenda and I had for future outings, but it wasn’t meant to be.

I’m going to miss us raising our girls together asking each other advice about how to raise a teenage daughter.  I wanted to go on “girls only” vacations together when the kids were grown.  I wanted us to go through life together.  I wanted the Joy Luck Club.  There were so many things that I wanted for us.  You were so eager to continue living even though the future was bleak.  I will always feel so grateful to have had you in my life although briefer than I had expected.  You were the sister that I never had.  You were one of the people in my life that would stand by me without question.  I’m so grateful that I was able to tell you that I loved you every day that we saw each other these last few months.  I cherish all of those days when you’d see me, smile and say my name.  That last week, after having a very long seizure, you still somehow responded to my “Hi” with a “Hi” and smiled.  I want you to know that I thanked God for that moment.  That was the last moment that I knew that you saw me and I will carry that with me for the rest of my life.  You were in pain but I think you endured so that you could spend time with all the people that you loved and loved you.  There will always be a piece of my heart missing because you took it with you when you left this earth.  I believe in God and that you are in heaven doing what you do best, watching over all of us.  I want you to know that I will love you for always and forever and will miss you every single day until we are together again.

~Irene