Frustrating Night

I’ve been trying to have a “happier face” when I deal with Satomi.  It seems to reduce her anxiety if she thinks I am not frustrated or angry.  So I either have a blank look or act my ass off and fake “happy”.  She commented to me tonight that she hadn’t gotten mad at me for the last few days.  My “happy face” plan seems to be working.  So now I have one less means of stress relief.  No more lunatic mime rants.  This sucks.

Tonight was a typical weekend evening.  I am caring for Satomi alone and we get into a discussion about dosing and schedules and laxatives and her poo and dinner time and whatever else popped into her head.  I gave her a laxative and timed her other meds to maximize absorption.  She questioned my methods.

After a short period, the laxative worked and I quickly moved her to the potty as not to release the Poo Monster.  As she sat on her throne, she continued the questions.  I was getting frustrated as logic and rational thought were not a big player in tonight’s discussion.  I reminded her to hurry as extended periods on the toilet could result in a seizure. 

Ten minutes later, my warning came true.  A major seizure on the potty.  I had already cleaned her up so I quickly and carefully picked her up by putting one arm around her torso and the other under her bent knees.  She’s much lighter than I remember.  I carry her from the potty and put her down on the bed.  I straighten her up and calm her down.  The seizure passes after a couple of minutes.  The tremors were more severe but I’m sure it was because she was already in an uncomfortable position sitting up on the potty.  The headache following seizure was enough to trigger a minor bought of vomiting.  I had to race over and give her the bucket before things started spewing.

The potty was only two-feet from her bed position so the move required some twisting.  It feels like I wrenched my back during the move.  The pain is familiar as I’ve done it dozens of times before but not recently.  Damn! 

I cleaned up the smelly poo and smelly barf and I sat to rest at the foot of her bed.  She started the discussion again and reminded me that I forgot to get her drink from downstairs.  Satomi attributed my poor memory to my fatigue and graciously offered me her forgiveness.  Forgiveness?  I smiled wide and wrote a pleasant note politely disagreeing with her every statement.  I was just fuming inside.  The idea that she would forgive me for my poor memory was just too much. 

Combine that with obvious back pain, the lingering smell of barf and poo, my dumb ass smile, and the recollection of all the other things that are screwed up in our lives and I just wanted to freak out.  It came close tonight.

Now that she’s sleeping, I need to focus on getting my head straight and getting the pain out of my back.