Nuts

Ok so it’s mean that I refer to my lovely wife as “nuts” but I actually thought this exchange was so funny I wanted it to be as accurate as I could remember.

Sean:  “You need to get your meds.  Roll over”.  I gesture at the wall and hold up the bullet-shaped laxative.

Satomi:  “You’re too rough with the suppositories”.

Sean:  “Maybe.  But you don’t want it to pop out.”  She just sees my mouth move so I give her a Cheshire Cat smile and nod.

Satomi:  “You’re too rough.  The RN was very slow and gentle.  The RN said you’re too rough”.

Sean:  I pause, put down the laxative and grab the dry erase board and pen.  “The RN wasn’t here when I gave you your last laxative.”  This is where it gets weird.

Satomi:  “My ear hurts.”  She rubs the big bandage I used to cover her left ear.

Sean:  “What does your ear have to do with your ass?”

Satomi:  “The RN said you were to rough and that’s why my ear hurts.”

Sean:  “So, you’re telling me that an RN that wasn’t here to know if I’m rough or not, said that I was too rough when I put a laxative suppository in your ear and that’s why it hurts.  Did I get that right?”

Satomi:  “Yes…”

Sean:  I stare at the board for a second and keep a straight face.  I re-read it to make sure I didn’t make a mistake.  I calmly write again but this time I circle the words “ass”, “ear”, and “suppository”.  “Did I get that right?”

Satomi:  “Yes…”

Sean:  “Seriously?  Damn, you are just nuts…” 

Anyway, her rant worked.  From then on, I medicated her gently and slowly…