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Losing It

by on August 3, 2009

Satomi is in a terrible state of mind and is barely holding it together.  She’s very frustrated and wants help.  I was surprised by this episode.  Just a couple days before she seemed fine.  Maybe it’s the Decadron.  From what I’ve read, emotional instability is not so uncommon.  I asked about our original plan to see her Neurologist friend and have him monitor her medications. 

She was determined to be admitted into the hospital-actually her hospital.  She had the idea that being admitted to Tustin Rehab would be a huge help to her situation-a few days of round-the-clock care, Neurologist visits, therapy visits, everything that she needed to get better.  Satomi contacted some of her friends there and they started the ball rolling.

I was skeptical and a bit hurt by the situation.

Mistakenly I used my brain to analyze the situation.  I asked her what she hoped to gain from a few days of care.  She may get tests done quicker and in-patient help but what change could be facilitated in 72 hours?  The practical answer is “not much”.  I told her that the insurance company would not pay for a glorified hotel stay and we couldn’t afford to pay for it out of pocket.  She said the employee discounted cost for the bed was $900 per day.  I said that was way too cheap for a hospital and likely didn’t include all those other things she needed (Neurologist visits, therapy, tests, drugs, water, food, air, sunlight, etc.)  She said that she had already planned to pay if the insurance rejected it or she wanted to go to the Emergency Room. 

I had to really resist getting angry.  She was losing it.  She was going to hear back about the admission later that day so I shelved the discussion.

I sat in my office and thought about it for a few hours.  While my original view remains true, I was stupid not to see the advantage beforehand.  Satomi receiving care there would really help her state of mind.  The money was a huge concern but maybe this was just something she needed to do.  I told her a few days would be OK.  She waited for news from her friends at the hospital.  She seemed to take a lot of comfort in knowing that her friends were on it.

It took a few days but we later found out that our insurance refused to aprove admitting her.  Accordig to the nice rejection letter we got, she was an excellant candidate for out-patient care.  Lucky for all of us that she was in a better mood when the news came in.  She eventually calmed down and considered the hospital stay unnecessary.  Her emotional state is back near normal now but I was quite scared. 

It’s hard enough for me not to lose it.

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